Eve’s Daughter

I love this book! ‘Captivating’ has been an amazing, eye-opening journey for me. I have had preconceptions and my belief system challenged and it is changing as a result. So many issues have been raised from reading this book; so much stuff that I now need to go through and deal with and be completely set free from so I can live the life God has created me to live!  

Because I love this book, I’m telling all my girlfriends about it - some just look at me strangely, but most are captivated too. I introduced one of my friends to ‘Captivating’ recently and she was blown away and really, really excited about it (I since found out that she has recommended the book to two other women and she hasn’t even read it yet!) I read her part of the introduction and the bit about the Proverbs 31 woman.

…Rest assured - this is not a book about all the things you are failing to do as a woman. We’re tired of those books. As a new Christian, the first book I (Stasi) picked up to read on godly femininity I threw across the room. I never picked it up again. In the twenty-five years since, I have only read a few I could wholeheartedly recomment. The rest drive me crazy. Their messages to women make me feel as though, “You are not the woman you ought to be - but if you do the following ten things, you can make the grade.” They are, by and large, soul-killing. But femininity cannot be prescribed in a formula. We have women friends who love tea parties and china, and freinds who break out in hives at the thought of them. We have women freinds who love to hunt, bow hunt even. Women who love to entertain and women who don’t…  - p.ix-x ‘Captivating’: introduction

…What does it mean to be a woman?…The church has not been a big help here. No, that’s not quite honest enough. The church has been part of the poblem. Its message to women has been primarily “you are here to serve. That’s why God created you: to serve. In the nursery, in the kitchen, on the various committees, in your home, in your community.” Seriously now - picture the women we hold up as models of femininity in the church. They are sweet, they are helpful, their hair is coiffed; they are busy, they are disciplined, they are composed, and they are tired. Think about the women you meet at chruch. They’re trying to live up to some model of femininity. What do they “teach” you about being a woman? What are they saying to us through their lives? Like we said, you’d have to conclude that a godly woman is …tired. And guilty. We’re all living in the shadow of that infamous icon, “The Proverbs 31 Woman,” whose life is so busy I wonder, when does she have time for freindships, for taking walks, or reading good books? Her light never goes out at night? When does she have sex? Somehow she has sanctified the shame most women live under, biblical proof that yet again we don’t measure up. Is that supposted to be godly - that sense that you are a failure as a woman?… - p6 ‘Captivating’, chapter 1: The Heart of a Woman

She cheered and said she was definately going to get it and get copies for her sisters and her mum too and maybe just have a stash in the car that she can give away whenever needed! We had a great time talking about this stuff, she’s like me - “breaks out in hives at the thought of tea parties and china” and other girly things. She’d actually been reading ‘Wild At Heart’ and ‘The Way of the Wild Heart’ (her hubby’s) but hadn’t been game enough to check out the “girl” version in case it was too girly and just more of the guilt trip stuff.  

 Every time I reread these sections I cheer too! Being a woman is much more than I have been led to believe, more than I ever understood. Now I know why I’ve been so disatisfied with my life, who I was, like there was something missing, like there had to be more. I had let the dreams of my heart and my desires slip away as I got caught up in “life”, raising three young kids, trying to keep the house clean and get it organised instead of living in a mess, cooking good healthy meals, spending time with friends, being a “good” wife (whatever that means) and forever wondering how the heck other women do it!

But I am beginning to understand that lots of the stuff I’d been filling my life with stemmed from a wrong view of me and what it really means to be the woman God has created me to be. Basically a whole lot of foundational stuff has been based on half truths or outright lies - not all of it, but some of it. Some of this stuff that I’d been filling my life with so I was too busy to be really living is just a part of life, but it’s not all of my life. But I had let it take over. I was the desolate woman who is always too busy to spend quality time with her God, hubby, kids and self. God has been relegated to a small box and I bring it out when I can squeeze in a few minutes here and there; spending quality time with T and having good sex doesn’t happen as often as either of us would like, spending one on one time with each of the kids on a regular basis - yeah, right!; going out and visiting only happens occassionally, having people over happens even less; and being creative, well that hasn’t happened much lately - the most creative space I have has been to write this blog, although, I have managed to write a couple of poems!

I spend so much time “doing” stuff around the house, stuff that I don’t particularly want to do, but stuff that does need to be done - washing clothes and dishes, cooking, cleaning… - but I seem to spend each and every day doing and redoing and getting nowhere fast. Then I have no time for any of the things I want to do with T, with the kids, for myself or spending quality time with my God. However, on that score, as I am often up around 5:30-6am with my youngest, then I can put him back to bed and that’s when I get my time with God. Otherwise I just have to squeeze it in throughout the day, 5 minutes here, 5 minutes there - which is really frustrating. But the biggest thing is I am always sooooo busy doing the same things I did yesterday. Obviously there are repetative tasks, I just need to view them differently and change my attitude and my thinking and all that kind of stuff. I just want to get them done and I want to get them done quickly so I have time throughout the day to do the other stuff I want to do and be the person I want to be.

I want to be the woman God has created me to be. I want to be a light and I want to be salt. I want to be beautiful and I want to be captivating. I want God’s glory to shine in my life, to be present in me as I walk through the shops, as I talk with friends and family. I want them to see that there is a difference about me, a difference that makes them ask. I especially want that for my mum and my sister. They are not Christians and I want them to read this book. I know it would be as mindblowing for them as it was for me because many of the issues raised for me are the same for them. I want to be captivating so I make a difference in the world around me.

The other day when I was talking to my mum about discovering stuff about yourself when she said “it’s better not to go too deep into things, it will only make you depressed.” She’s partly right, it is depressing - as these issues were being raised for me I spent a lot of time crying, and there’s probably more tears to come as I explore things at a deeper level. But that’s just step one! I know that as I work through all this crap and deal with it and remember who I am in Christ that I will become better for it. I will become the woman God has created me to be! Woohoo!! I know it’s gonna be hard, but then, T and I have decided that we’re willing to walk this road, to be the woman (and man) God has created us to be and live the life he has created us to live.

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