Eve’s Daughter

There was this young teenage girl at church today. I haven’t seen her for a long time, maybe not even since last year. She is a very attractive girl and looks older than she is, tall for her age. She’s only about 13, but she looks easily 16 or 17.

Anyway, as I said, I haven’t seen her for ages, and she’d done that extra growing up thing that kids seem to do all of a sudden, especially when you haven’t seen them for a while. They even do it to you when you see them every day. My oldest keeps on growing up and changing, looking “older”, looking like a big kid, sounding like a big kid and I’m left standing there wondering where did my baby go?!

So this beautiful teenager had done that too and she was beautiful. She just looked beautiful and radiant and I just wanted to tell her that she was beautiful. And as I talked to her, the need to say it to her, the desire to say it grew really strong, so I just sort of blurted it out telling her that she looked really beautiful. To be honest, I can’t even remember what I said. But I so much wanted to tell her that she was beautiful - I would have loved to have been told that I was beautiful at her age - and yet it was so difficult. I felt silly, awkward, embarrassed. I might have even gone red as I said it. I certainly stumbled over the words. Hmmmm.

One of the many things that ‘Captivating’ has done for me, has released me from my inordinate fear of raising a daughter (girls scare me - I don’t know how to relate to them, talk to them, not to mention all the teen girl stuff…). Anyway, short of a miracle that ain’t gonna happen (although my older two boys have been asking for one! They both want a baby sister!!) or adoption. So now, when I feel like maybe I could “do” a daughter, it’s not a possibility.

We decided after the last pregnancy and birth that we didn’t want to do it again. Each pregnancy has been harder and more painful than the last and I went through a stage at about 6months where I could hardly walk I was in so much pain. And as much as I quite liked the idea of four kids, the reality of going through that again with probably more pain and less tolerance for my kids, husband and life in general (not to mention the tumultuous home life when you bring the new baby home) won out and we decided that it was time to stop.

But T has pointed out, that even though we’re not gonna have a daughter of our own, that doesn’t mean that I can’t be a ‘mother’ for other people’s daughters. Not quite sure how that works, but hey, God can lead the way on that one. Besides, I’ve still got a fair bit of sorting myself out first! Anyhow, I’ve already taken the first step. I told someone elses daughter that she was beautiful!

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