Eve’s Daughter

I love chocolate - in capitals, bold and underlined with lots of exclamation marks! And yet, I think I may have had too much chocolate this week. For the first time ever, I think I may have overdosed on chocolate, and that’s saying something! Too much chocolate! Impossible!! Well, so I thought, but…Before I tell you why I think I’ve had too much chocolate, let me tell you about how much chocolate I have managed to consume this week!

After watching Better Homes & Gardens where Fast Eddy advertised a hot chocolate with chilli we checked out their website and T discovered another hot choc recipe. And it was truly wonderful - as far as I’m concerned, it puts all other hot chocolates to shame, even the ’italian’ ones, and that’s saying something. 

The ingredients for this hot chocolate are one block of 250g dark chocolate (or if you are using the Green & Blacks organic, use the milk which is darker than normal milk as the dark makes these hot chocolates just too bitter), 800ml milk, 2tbs castor sugar and 2tbs cocoa. Shockingly chocolatey and extremely wonderful.

I started the week with a mug of it and six days later we did it again (unfortunately the second time we did it was with ordinary chocolate which has ‘flavours’, so I don’t know if the ‘flavours’ contributed to my meltdown in any way) and we’ve been buying Lindt chocolate all week because it was on special and has no ‘flavours’, just vanillin and no nasty numbers. We don’t normally get Lindt and I have discovered that it is very, very more-ish and the pieces are huge - only 8 pieces in a 100g block! And this week we’ve managed to go through 3 or 4 blocks of it and I have been the main consumer!!

Prior to this indulgent week on Lindt and hot chocolates I’ve only been eating the Green & Black’s organic chocolate (it’s also ‘fair trade’ produce when you buy the dark chocolate infused with orange) with normal sized pieces and I’d discovered that I only “need” and want a couple of pieces at a time and then I won’t eat any chocolate for 2-3 days!! And prior to finding Green & Black’s I was a cadbury or nestle girl (depending on which was on special) and I almost never went a day without consuming chocolate in some form!

So yesterday after a week of lots and lots of chocolate, well, yesterday was a shocker. I was really, really sensitive, I cried easily, took offense easily and got really, really angry, really, really easily. There was rage burning and roiling inside my chest and I so much wanted to cause physical damage and scream and yell and throw things and break things - and I haven’t been like that for ages. Hmmm. Even my oldest commented on it. As I was losing it once more, he said, “Mum, you seem like you’ve had too much chocolate!” (something like that anyway) - out of the mouths of babes! Although, not the wisest thing to say to your mum when she’s already trying hard not to completely lose it with you, however true it might be. But then who said six year olds were wise when it comes to things like that?!

Anyway, the following was written just after things went pear shaped and I was trying to calm me down on July 14:

so very angry. rage. wanted to throw things and yell and scream, then cry. Why doesn’t he do what you tell him to do? I tell him to stay on the stool, so what does he do? He gets off the stool! Why does he so often do the opposite of what I’ve asked him too? X could have really hurt himself. And so then I am furious. Immediately and completely furious. Everything is on hold. Now he is whining because he is hungry and we haven’t finished making the sultana bran, which we would have if he’d just done what he was told! K’s still in the bath - he’s been in there for ages. I’m out of control. Nothing has been done today. Now as I sit here typing, venting, I feel washed out. The fury has passed and the despair has started. I don’t want to go back in there. It was one of those moments when I just wanted to throw my hands up in despair and walk out the front door and never come back. And then I think, “and you want to travel around the country for six months to a year in an RV?! You can’t even handle it in a house! How do you think you’ll handle it in such a confined space?” Help me God!

As I write this now, the day after, I realise that the thought “and you want to travel around the country for six months to a year in a RV?! You can’t even handle it in a house! How do you think you’ll handle it in such a confined space?” is not my own - that’s another one of those lying thoughts the devil wants to slip in there so I will doubt myself and our plans. Hmmm. Again, “take every thought captive”! He just tries to slip them in there when my guard is down, when I’m emotional, when I’m not thinking straight - I don’t tend to get these thoughts when things are going okay, well, at least, I haven’t noticed them yet. Deal with that bridge when I come to it.

So anyway, I have come to the conclusion that I had way too much chocolate and I have eased my chocolate consumption right back - ain’t gonna touch the stuff for a few days and give my system time to get rid of it! And I think I might just stay away from the Lindt in large quantities and go back to the Green & Blacks

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